Sitting before the mirror at the hair salon yesterday, the face looking back at me was tired. Exhausted. Its been a busy six months; Petite Fille and her parents living with us and I am trying to create and innovate at work more. It all means that I fall asleep most nights before I really want to, but I am too exhausted to continue.
This week I am trying to get a Makerspace off the ground. Not a token space with colouring in and cardboard, but a makerspace with technology. It feels like I am pushing a boulder up a mountain, as I fear our admin doesn’t have a mindset for technological innovation, and on the odd occasions they do, they centre it towards the males. As a woman, I have a double trail to blaze.
The guys aren’t really interested in taking up STEM, and I am, but I am older and a female, and so that almost makes me invisible to administration. Being knowledgeable and passionate is not always enough. They also like to build silos of responsibility and I am an outlier who cuts across supposed boundaries. However, at the same time, they are quick to criticise if you do nothing. Damned if you do and dammed if you don’t . Or just damned!
For the sake of what I believe in, and for the sake of my students I am willing to be damned, but it is all so exhausting.