what a pain

girl star blue

On a scale of one to ten, I would say my massage was about seven, maybe seven point five. She lost points because she talked the entire time, whereas I like to just be still and silent. I did think she could have used a little more pressure from time to time, but considering I was already in pain, I can understand her going gently.

The thing that really lowered my satisfaction rating was when she leaned close and said, “I have to say something now that you may not like to hear.”

I grunted, not sure where this was all going. It was too soon to declare undying love for me.

“The right shoulder is the masculine shoulder and to have pain in that area means you have anger at a male, or males.”

“Like my husband?”

“Well, the first name to mind is usually the right one.”

If the pain had been in my left shoulder, it would have meant I was angry at a female.

Nothing to do with the fact that I am right handed, and felt searing pain when I lifted my arm above my head to open windows? Nothing to do with the fact that I spend hours on end at a computer keyboard, and use a mouse? Oh no, I have to hate my husband. If it was true, it would be more males that make me angry than just Mr FD!

She continued with a long story about how she takes on her clients’ negative energies and after each massage has to go out and release the anger; or she becomes very aggro by the end of the day. I think she is inhaling too much of her lavender scent.

In a whispered voice she warned me that I may become testy, or impatient with people (yeah, what’s new there?) because of the release of lactic acid and old blood and I should warn those around me when I got home. The husband I supposedly hate, too, perhaps?

Later, I went to my doctor. His opinion is that I have either strained or torn the rotator cuff and is sending me to have a scan. I wonder if the man anger will show up?

I did tell Mr FD that he was causing my pain, and that I probably had medical grounds for getting off murder if I decided to do him in. “Same old, same old” was his only reply.

I punched him in the left shoulder. I’ll give him a female to be angry with…



11 thoughts on “what a pain

  1. Argh! You were kind. I would have deducted more points. When I get a massage or even a hair cut I like peace and quiet. No chatter. I like to go into a very relaxed mood and I don’t want anyone talking about stupid stuff. I don’t even want to hear about what you kid did in school. I once had a massage by someone I called Natasha the Russian. I thought I was gonna die. I don’t like it that hard but I don’t like a tickle either. Hmmm…I am picky!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LOL at your conclusion!

    I’ve only had one massage where the person massaging talked throughout, which is–not coincidentally–exactly why I did not have any follow-up massages with the lady.

    A word or two about pressure, temperature, or moving are fine, but beyond that, I’m paying to relax … and a steady stream of conversation does not point me toward that goal.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha! Sounds like you need a new masseur. Nothing worse than having someone talking to you the entire time you’re supposed to be blissing out. Personally once they know my preferences for pressure etc I like absolute quiet. She needs to go and find another job, maybe she could become a hairdresser (though I like having my hair done in peace too)!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ugh! I had a similar experience with a masseuse who told me she absorbed all the negative energy from her clients. She said she could tell I was under a lot of stress and asked me about my personal life, which disturbed me. Why is it anybody’s business where I live and whom I live with? She then remarked she was feeling ill and inferred it was my fault, because I reeked of negative energy. It was an okay massage, but it was not relaxing and I could hardly wait to get out. I am sorry if it’s an occupational hazard of masseuses to pick up everyone’s negative chi, but to tell your client that is asking me not to come back. I haven’t, I’m sorry to say. I could really use a massage, preferably a quiet one.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow what a massage! She should have offered to “fluff ” your aura afterwards for all that. I have two massage people and I have to admit, I’m a fairly chatty one, but the deep tissue is always painful for me, so better to talk and distract. At my last one we watched/listened to a TED talk on the boiling river in the Amazon, which was super neat and distracted me really well!!! But.. I was;t expecting relaxation….


  6. I wouldn’t return to her. First of all, the chatter is a no-no. If you initiate conversation, they the masseuse should take the cue. More importantly, you were paying for a massage not an amateur evaluation. She stepped over the line.


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