Clearinghouse

Portrait by Erwin Blumenfeld Lilliput, April 1947

The day of reckoning beckons – colonoscopy upon the morrow! Today, is that delightful day when pills and potions start cleaning out nether areas and I usually end up crouched upon the porcelain throne bargaining with the Big Whatever to “please save me from my plight”, but to no avail.

This time around, I have to rise at 3am to drink a second brew and reclaim the porcelain before journeying to the hospital. Is someone getting their Big Jollies from torturing people with bowel issues? Are we are a marked tribe?

Oh, the irony of our postal delivery this morning. A book I ordered a couple of weeks ago, arrived – Gut by Giulia Enders. It is not on today’s read pile. (Oh pile, I used the word pile….toilet joke!)

On the positive side, my skin biopsy came back negative and the stitches were removed this morning. They lied to me and said that there were three stitches, when in fact there were four. I would have made much more of a fuss if I had been aware of the extra stitch. Yes, there is a sliding scale for such things; or if there wasn’t, there is now, courtesy of moi.

If I don’t post ever again, because my intestines have fallen out and into the septic system, just know that I always loved you best…

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12 thoughts on “Clearinghouse

  1. I shouldn’t have marked this post with a “Like,” but I’m sorry, I laughed aloud at your “throne” jokes. But not at your plight. I have been there too many times, and I know what it’s like to ask God to just kill me, quickly.

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  2. Ah yes, the torture of a colonoscopy. I’ve had more than a few. Last one was when I was still working. The nurse gave me the wrong time to take the first pills. I left work because I wasn’t feeling well. Good thing. There was a massive explosive that gave no warning (that means I didn’t make it to the throne in time) and that would have been extremely embarrassing at work. I find that I don’t need to take all the liquid “stuff” they want me to because I am pooping clear before the first batch is done. (They want me to use two batches) My cut is clean enough to wallpaper and hang paintings! Good luck. After the prep, the rest is a breeze.

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  3. You already know that I’m a little odd … but I actually enjoyed the “cleaning” process. Not the action, necessarily, but the results.

    Hope everything comes out alright in the end!

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  4. The clearest indication of the severity of my GI issues is that pre-colonoscopy day was just like every other day to me – except for consuming the vile swill. It had virtually no impact on my daily… goings, as it were.

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