I am about four weeks into my online meditation course. Maybe it is a placebo, but I do feel different. I actually find myself slowing down, and experience actual moments of pure contentment and calm. Mindfulness is bringing me peace, calm and a weird kind of confidence, and dare I say, a new kind of happiness?
It hasn’t been easy. I meditate at night and sometimes I am just so tired that I would rather sleep. However, except for two nights I have kept to my schedule, but the nights I didn’t meditate I did something radical – I forgave myself.
Just like a dieter falling off the carrot wagon and into the chocolate fountain, I got up and got right back on the meditation chair. I am kind – to myself. Heck, who is perfect, anyway?
If, after getting up at 5am and driving 40minutes to open the school library by about 7.15, then working an entire school day, often with a couple ten minute breaks to gobble food; as well as attending after school meetings and driving 40 minutes home, I find I need to sleep rather than meditate, then I am going to sleep. I am going to do what my body wants.
No guilt, and this lack of guilt means that next day I am more eager to return to my meditation schedule. No anxiety.
As I start to meditate, I tell myself that I am doing this for me, then I spread that out to my family, and my students. I meditate for all the people in my life. If I am a calmer, less anxious, more contented and confident person, then hey, that is got to be a bonus for them too, right?
A couple times, recently, I have found myself using the breathing techniques during the day. Soft focus, breathe in, breath out. Calm, let go. The letting go and telling myself to live just that moment, and to know that I can work through whatever it is, has been an enormous benefit to how I am coping with life’s issues.
So, four weeks in, I am sticking with the plan. I like to imagine areas of my brain firing, and reconnecting, renewing. Like, I said, it may all be a placebo, but heck, give me that sugar pill any time!