a machine that goes ding

The microwave finally died of old age and rust. The final moment was when the plate would no longer rotate and a microwave container melted. For a few weeks we used a tiny microwave that had been stored in the shed since Daughter1 married a man with a superior microwave.

So off to the city on Saturday afternoon in search of a replacement. I had several criteria; Mr FD had one – he wanted it to go ding.

At the store, we zeroed in on our price range, and the exterior finish we wanted, matte silver, to match other large appliances such as the fridge, and then went for the finer details. My way of dealing with this was to look at the buttons or knobs and see if they met my likes or dislikes, then to open the microwave, locate the manual and read the features.

Mr FD’s contribution was to annouce in a loud voice, “I want one that goes ding!” He was distracted for a second or two by a microwave that was bright red and shiny, but he soon returned to “I want one that goes ding!”.

I ignored him, as I went about eliminating, and proving the worth of the favourite, while Mr FD asked for service assistance. One sales assistant  told him that she couldn’t help, even though she was doing nothing as “I am in charge of kitchens overall.” Obviously microwaves are no longer a part of kitchens? I seem to have missed a trend. Another service assistance,  who was leaning against the service end of the microwave section also declined to help us as “I am assisting someone else at the moment.” The nearest people were in the vacuum cleaner section some four metres away. He did call someone who he promised would be able to assist us.

The said assistant was welcomed by Mr FD’s welcome of “I want one that goes ding!” The look on the man’s face clearly said that he thought he had a live ding- a -ling alright. Microwaves all ding at the end of the cycle so he didn’t appear to know where to go with it.

I explained that Mr FD has fallen into the habit of microwaving food and then become so task focussed (forgetful) that he does not retrieve the food. Hours later someone will find it at room temperature inside the microwave. He is obviously really suffering hunger!

“What we want is a microwave with an alarm.”

Oh he knew all about alarms, his own microwave had one. His microwave was not amongst the store’s stock though. Mr FD just kept blubbering “I want one that goes ding” as though his last hopes were evaporating. However, I had already ascertained that my appliance of choice had an alarm that “dinged” after one minute, two minutes and then three minutes if the food was not retrieved.

Yes, dear reader, we got one that dinged, which the ding-a-ling proudly bore home.



18 thoughts on “a machine that goes ding

  1. I feel your pain at trying to locate a helpful shop assistant who has some working knowledge of the product you require. I went to the communications shop to buy a Morse Code transmitter and none of the pimply faced pubescent staff knew what I was talking about. The world is going to the dogs.


  2. My microwave lets out a loud BEEP when it’s done heating the food. (Or not. It’s a bit underpowered, so I have to run it an extra minute or two beyond the time given on the box.) I kind of like beep over ding because it’s too easy to ignore the ding, while the beep is so obnoxious I often stand by the machine and shut it off a few seconds before the “done” time so I don’t have to listen to it.

    But good lord, I can’t imagine what it must be like to go shopping for a new mobile phone with Mr. FD. Does he insist the new phone has to ding as well?


  3. Did the possession of a superior microwave enter into Daughter1’s decision-making process vis-a-vis marrying?
    I’m thinking of the evolution of selected traits.
    Perhaps somewhere, a disappointed young man with a less good microwave is languishing, unable to pass along his unable-to-purchase-a-suitable-appliance genes.
    Though, of course, it is all ultimately for the good of the species.


    • Interesting hypothesis. I think the major factor in his favour was that he was 36 never married, had never fathered children as yet and perhaps the small city unit/apartment that he owned! So perhaps not just the less good microwave men lucked out but those without property also? It is a capitalist eat capitalist world out there in the mating game!


  4. Super post. I knew it was going to be a good one after ‘the daughter married a man with a superior microwave…’ Classic. Reading the post of the husband repeating his ‘ding mantra’ I wonder if assistants thought he had early onset dementia of some sort?
    Had to think about it but ours going ‘beep’…. and if you are too lazy to get up straight away it continues to beep as if saying ‘you lazy sod’ until you open the door.
    A clip with David Tennant is also a brilliant touch….


  5. I got a m-oven recently too, that goes “ding” as against the weird “Trrrrrth” sound the older one made before it died. This “ding” is exactly the noise my husband’s cell phone makes when there is an sms, and whenever I use the microwave, he anxiously checks his cell phone!
    Love the monty python.


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