wobbly bits

curious chess

This morning I felt an overwhelming sense of panic and I really had to fight not to lose my plot. Breathe, I told myself. I had three tasks with looming deadlines and my anxiety went into overdrive.

Last night I had halved my sleep medication as I have been feeling more in control and I can’t use the medication for too long. I would rather be off it sooner rather than later, so I thought I was doing myself a favour and decreased the dosage. I slept well, but this morning it was a struggle to face the world.

So, I mentally listed my tasks, knowing that only one should be done today; though if it wasn’t it wouldn’t be the end of my world, despite my catastrophe thinking. I listed them and knew that I needed to stop procrastinating to be less anxious, so my best avenue of recovery was to tackle them. Smart, Flamingo Dancer! In turn, I admitted to myself that there was no way that all three could be completed today, if they were to be done well, so I set myself the goal of completing two, and to work on the third early next week.

When I left work in the afternoon, I had those two tasks completed and forwarded to the stakeholders. I felt a real sense of relief to say the leas!. The third is not due until the 20th so I really shouldn’t be panicking, but anxiety doesn’t allow a quiet mind.

I was going to write, best to get that task completed and off my worry list, but truthfully, I will probably just replace them with another set of worry tasks – such is the anxious mind. I have long ago accepted that and now all I can do is try to calm myself and instead of avoiding the task just set to and do it. Yes, I will be anxious, but I will be less anxious!

I never claimed to make sense!

TGIF

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4 thoughts on “wobbly bits

  1. This is a mindset I identify with.
    I’m a worrier about the little things in life and can be quite blasé about the bigger things. So, like you, I spend a lot of my energy looking for things to add to my list. At the moment we don’t have anything to worry about …. But I still feel anxious.

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  2. I’m a big worry-wart. The manservant teases that I’d be worried if I ever found myself with nothing to worry about. I seem to need at least 2 “plans” for scenarios most people would never think about.

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    • Me too – I have to have it all planned in my head and then I am fine, but I am married to a man who functions on hindsight and that brings its own anxiety! All said though I have more self belief and am more optimistic than MrFD – we are such an odd couple in so many ways!

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