not titillating at all

naughty thursday a Alfred Cheney Johnston 1

I tried to tell myself that this time it wouldn’t hurt, or if it did hurt it wouldn’t hurt as much as last time. Surely if I just relaxed my body and thought of my happy place the pain would be minimal.

Didn’t work.

This afternoon I had my biannual mammogram and I thought I was going to faint from the pain. The first breast was pummelled into position and then caught in the machine’s grip. I was told to hold my breath, easy enough when one is sucking in breath due to pain, but I survived somehow.

It was the second breast that had me seeing stars and wishing for a merciless end.

Now I know testing is necessary, and it is wonderful that the government makes it free for women over fifty, but does it  have to be such a painful method? Couldn’t the government be a little kinder and allow us to have ultrasound on the free list? Heavens, I might even consider voting for that little weasel Abbott if he gave us free ultrasounds. Maybe I could suggest the policy to him by squashing his little appendage with an amount of applied force in the  range of 49 to 186.2 N (median, 122.5 N). Actually as the pain seared through by chest I searched for my happy place, which oddly enough was a factory production line of all the men in the world having their appendages treated thus. And to think they are all worried of a little rubber gloved finger…

I vote one for equal opportunity compression.


11 thoughts on “not titillating at all

  1. ew, rather you than me – mind you if I don’t lose a bit of weight before next year I’ll be getting free mammograms!
    The only thing I can think to compare it to is the Prostate exam (which I haven’t had to endure yet)
    They must have a less painful way to exam women…..


  2. And this after there have been rapports that Mammography doesn’t really increase the detection of breast cancer.
    I am still praying for when the day comes for me, that there have been developed different methods which are pain free.


  3. Mammograms aren’t painful for me (I barely have enough boob to squeeze), so I don’t worry about them. It’s the other female exam that I dread (and in fact skipped last year) because it hurts like hell.


  4. My mammograms used to be pain-free until I switched health insurance providers and started going to this clinic where the radiology technicians are sadists. I thought they were going to twist my boobs off, what little I have, anyway. With all the news about how semi-annual mammograms are not effective in detecting breast cancer or in reducing mortality among women, I am NOT hurrying back for another one.


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