not titillating at all

naughty thursday a Alfred Cheney Johnston 1

I tried to tell myself that this time it wouldn’t hurt, or if it did hurt it wouldn’t hurt as much as last time. Surely if I just relaxed my body and thought of my happy place the pain would be minimal.

Didn’t work.

This afternoon I had my biannual mammogram and I thought I was going to faint from the pain. The first breast was pummelled into position and then caught in the machine’s grip. I was told to hold my breath, easy enough when one is sucking in breath due to pain, but I survived somehow.

It was the second breast that had me seeing stars and wishing for a merciless end.

Now I know testing is necessary, and it is wonderful that the government makes it free for women over fifty, but does it  have to be such a painful method? Couldn’t the government be a little kinder and allow us to have ultrasound on the free list? Heavens, I might even consider voting for that little weasel Abbott if he gave us free ultrasounds. Maybe I could suggest the policy to him by squashing his little appendage with an amount of applied force in the  range of 49 to 186.2 N (median, 122.5 N). Actually as the pain seared through by chest I searched for my happy place, which oddly enough was a factory production line of all the men in the world having their appendages treated thus. And to think they are all worried of a little rubber gloved finger…

I vote one for equal opportunity compression.

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11 thoughts on “not titillating at all

  1. ew, rather you than me – mind you if I don’t lose a bit of weight before next year I’ll be getting free mammograms!
    The only thing I can think to compare it to is the Prostate exam (which I haven’t had to endure yet)
    They must have a less painful way to exam women…..

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  2. And this after there have been rapports that Mammography doesn’t really increase the detection of breast cancer.
    I am still praying for when the day comes for me, that there have been developed different methods which are pain free.

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  3. Mammograms aren’t painful for me (I barely have enough boob to squeeze), so I don’t worry about them. It’s the other female exam that I dread (and in fact skipped last year) because it hurts like hell.

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  4. My mammograms used to be pain-free until I switched health insurance providers and started going to this clinic where the radiology technicians are sadists. I thought they were going to twist my boobs off, what little I have, anyway. With all the news about how semi-annual mammograms are not effective in detecting breast cancer or in reducing mortality among women, I am NOT hurrying back for another one.

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