I tried to tell myself that this time it wouldn’t hurt, or if it did hurt it wouldn’t hurt as much as last time. Surely if I just relaxed my body and thought of my happy place the pain would be minimal.
This afternoon I had my biannual mammogram and I thought I was going to faint from the pain. The first breast was pummelled into position and then caught in the machine’s grip. I was told to hold my breath, easy enough when one is sucking in breath due to pain, but I survived somehow.
It was the second breast that had me seeing stars and wishing for a merciless end.
Now I know testing is necessary, and it is wonderful that the government makes it free for women over fifty, but does it have to be such a painful method? Couldn’t the government be a little kinder and allow us to have ultrasound on the free list? Heavens, I might even consider voting for that little weasel Abbott if he gave us free ultrasounds. Maybe I could suggest the policy to him by squashing his little appendage with an amount of applied force in the range of 49 to 186.2 N (median, 122.5 N). Actually as the pain seared through by chest I searched for my happy place, which oddly enough was a factory production line of all the men in the world having their appendages treated thus. And to think they are all worried of a little rubber gloved finger…
I vote one for equal opportunity compression.