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Merry Flamingo Files to you, if not me.

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What has been annoying The Flamingo Dancer this week:

Handshakes. What is it with handshakes? Why do we shake hands at all? We no longer carry swords and so there is no reason to disarm the sword hand, so what possible service does a handshake provide, other than to transmit germs?

Hugs. I hate hugging. All that, do we touch cheeks, or kiss checks? Yesterday I got hugged by a female friend outside the supermarket. I saw no reason to hug, I hadn’t won a prize, and I wasn’t crying. I didn’t need comfort. I was in fact about to buy Christmas?

Bing Crosby singing “White Christmas” over the supermarket speaker. It is Australia. You can dream all you want about a White Christmas, and the most that will happen is a hail storm, and no one wants one of those, especially on Christmas Day.  Wouldn’t it be better to play some relaxation music, so I don’t feel like taking my trolley and ramming it over the family of FIVE SCREAMING CHILDREN who keep crossing my path, even when I jump two aisles to escape them?

Wrapping paper so thin that it tears as I wrap my gifts. I know it is going into the recycling bin on Christmas morning, but I would at least like it to last long enough for me to wrap the present and place it under our tree.

The glorification of Christmas light shows throughout the neighbourhood. It always strikes me that it is probably the family that can least afford the extra power costs that indulge in this habit. Do they know, Virginia, that there is no Santa Clause  coming, and if he did he would be on the side of a Coke Cola delivery truck rather than in a sleigh?

Gift giving trees in shopping malls. You know, those trees that department stores set up in the anticipation that they will guilt us all into spending extra, in their department store of course, for people in need.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I think we should all support charity, and no better time than Christmas, but wouldn’t it be better to donate money to a real charity to use where it is really needed? Not making shareholders richer. (Here I do have to admit that on more than one occasion when our children were younger we did in fact buy for the gift tree, but have in more recent times seem the capitalist star on the tree and donated to charity instead).

People who have moved during the year, but neglect to write their address on the back of their Christmas card so that you can return a card to them. More than once I have had to play sleuth and search through whitepages.com.au for what I suspect might be their address on the few hints they gave in their card.

People who say they will only send a card if someone sends them a card first, and then complain on Christmas Day about how few people sent them cards. My mother has fallen into this trick for a number of years. Now the family insists that she sends cards first, and we take turns writing them for her, to the extent that she only has to sign them. Now she complains about the handwriting of the ageing card senders, who these days find it hard to breathe let alone write!

People who complain that they “just can’t get into the Christmas spirit this year”. Why do we even expect to? We spend weeks being told to hurry up and finish our shopping, which most people ignore, then we plan huge complicated meals we have neither the energy nor ability to cook, to serve to people that we are not altogether sure we want to spend an entire day with. Try it with 33C summer heat and no air conditioning. No wonder the murder rate goes up at Christmas! More than one Christmas I have looked at the carving knife with strong desire.

Silly ecards of cute puppies and kittens waiting for Santa and looking disappointed. Then Santa arrives, Surprise! I got one today that had the puppy eat all the cookies off the plate except for one, which Santa ate when he left a bone. If I had known Santa would settle for dog biscuits I would have changed my offerings years ago.

The dramatic grieving, chest beating and wailing that is taking place in North Korea. See, that is what happens when you worship your leader and not the God Capitalism. That is never going to happen in a western country where most of us would be happy to send our leaders to sea in a leaky boat in a bad storm. Watching grown men in military uniform blubbering is kind of fun I must admit, but the fact that these people have a finger on a nuclear bomb does causes one to pause in concern though. Let’s hope that someone gives them some happy juice and soon.

Why does it seem that so many British people appearing on television can’t pronounce their r. I have just been listening to a British presenter talk about Euwope. Euwope. He said it every second sentence. Euwope. Maybe we should send him to North Kowea to cheew up the cywing. The r affliction does seem to be endemic in the British. Is it because of inbreeding? (I am told that my parents were not related, but their grandparents may very well have been… it happens when you can only marry someone who lives within an afternoon’s horse ride!)

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sucktitude of the Flamingo Dancer kind

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I am not one to complain. Okay, I am, so I am not going to go against habit now and change my ways.

First, today is the eleventh anniversary of my Dad’s death, and that is no less painful than it was on this day in 2000. There is rarely a day that goes by when I don’t think of him, and the silence his absence has left in our lives.

I wrote yesterday, that the washing machine may be terminal. I left it in Mr FD’s hands to solve today. He has a deadline. We need a functioning machine by the weekend, or we shall be investing in new clothes and underwear.  A fast and sensible result might be to move MIL’s washing machine to our house, now that her house is not in use. The only issue is that it is MIL’s…and that can be a political minefield at times. One never knows what mood she is in and how such a request might be received. Even in the mid years of our lives, Mr FD’s mother has the power to have us ducking and weaving. So that sucks.

As does the fact that my eyes , eye is being unreasonable and not actually cooperating in the focussing department. I had a similar problem last year, and so logic would tell me to try the same treatment again, but as I write this I am at work and the medication is at home. I suppose once I roll home I can hope for some improvement. Just stay out of my way on the drive home…

Another thing that is less than perfect, and this may surprise you, is that the only two tasks I have today are 45 minutes on exam supervision, and 25 minutes on play ground duty (well, library supervision duty really, in air conditioned comfort). How does this suck, you wonder? Well, it makes it a long, dreary day. I have no classes to teach as they are on exam block, and no exams to mark as my subject is not scheduled until Friday. I have resorted to writing report comments for students who haven’t even completed their assessment! That, and writing this blog post, and reading my copy of The Help. Tomorrow is more of the same, but at least I don’t start until 10am!

Then there is the media frenzy about Kim Kardashian.  I don’t even follow them, but from the little I gleaned from the magazines in my physiotherapist’s waiting room, even I could sense that it was nothing but a sham to make money. And the media fell for it.  What did George W try to say “ fool me once…don’t fool me again? Fools rush in, indeed.

Except for Greece it seems, who are prepared to bring the financial world crashing down around us, because they refuse to accept responsibility for their own actions.  Someone, needs to explain the phrase “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” and tell them that they aren’t  “special” and need to take one for the rest of us.

Is the world ready for a gospel singing American President? Lord, I hope not, because that is really going to suck big time.  It does beg one to wonder if perhaps he is not capable of independent thought if he has to resort to song lyrics to communicate.

Another thing that really annoys me, and yes there is more, is President Obama’s blood pressure. The man lives in a crucible and his blood pressure sits at 107/71 mm Hg! I have to take daily medication for mine, and it is still nowhere in that neighborhood.  And I have never smoked, except for four puffs on a cigarette when I was 12. Maybe the fact that he doesn’t have to worry about paying his bills or keeping a roof over his head is more stressful than trying to be Leader of the Free World. Free World – now there is a contradiction in terms, if ever there was one.

And, here I was thinking I was a special individual, and now I am made to confront the truth that I am just one of 7 billion. How am I ever going to get the recognition I deserve in that bunch? Maybe it is time we stopped telling our children that they are a “bright star” and just tell them to suck it up, and keep to the left?

That is not the end of my sucky list, but perhaps you have read enough. All I ask is for empathy, sympathy and for someone to gift me a large amount of money.  Aspects of my life may still well suck, but at least I would be more comfortable in my sucktitude.

on all fours

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Tagged by Mum of Four to give you four!

FOUR PLACES I GO….

  1. School – whichever school I am working at each term.
  2. My hometown to visit my Mum, Sister and BIL, or to catch up with school friends. Not as often as I used to, which is sad.
  3. My hairdresser and beautician who are actually several suburbs away, a hang over from the days of the Basement of Discontent, but they accommodate my ways and won’t talk when I need quiet .
  4. The local garden nursery to buy seedlings. It combines a restaurant, gift shop and plant nursery and I love to browse.

 

 

FOUR CRUSHES I HAVE……..

Have?

  1. Bruce Springsteen
  2. Liam Neeson
  3. Steve Carrell
  4. My first crush was David MacCallum back in the Man from U.N.C.L.E days.

FOUR SMELLS THAT I LOVE…..

  1.  clean, sun dried clothes and bed linen
  2. lavender
  3. rose
  4. rain settled dust

 

FOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOWS

  1.  Big Bang Theory (I can’t help myself)
  2. Midsommer Murders
  3. Downton Abbey
  4. Colbert Report

FOUR FAVOURITE MOVIES…..

  1. You’ve Got Mail (bookshops, people!)
  2. The Help
  3. Finding Forrester
  4. Any, and I mean any, movie based on Jane Austen’s novels.

RECOMMENDATIONS…..

  1. You can get some great gifts on milestone birthdays – maybe it is the sympathy vote, who knows, or cares. Show other people how to do it with style. Plan a series of events, not just one party with a bang. Lots of smaller intimate events nourish the soul.
  2. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
  3. Continue learning – something, anything. Get a degree, taking up whittling, or whistling or whatever takes your fancy but keep your interests alive.
  4. Don’t live through your children. Live beside your children.

10 Random things about Flamingo Dancer

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I have been tagged by the lovely Kimkiminy to share 10 random things about me. What don’t you know?

  1. My second name is Ann. That is Ann without an E.
  2. I went to a catholic primary school and a state high school.  We thought we were going to a den of iniquity when we transferred to the state high school. Somehow we survived and prospered, relatively unmolested.
  3. I am very sensitive to my surroundings,  in particular texture, colour and smell. Blue makes me calm and is therefore my favourite colour. I have been known to throw a hysterical fit in motel rooms that I have found “uncomfortable” or not “fresh”. It doesn’t make sense to me either, but Mr FD has learned to meet the standards at his own cost.
  4. My right eye was removed when I was eighteen, though many of you know that. It was a growth on the nerve ending of the iris. At that time I was the 13th recorded case in the English speaking world, and they sent my eye to London for final analysis. The case made my doctor famous, and for years afterwards he was contacted by doctors from around the world to gain updates on my condition. He was always please to say that I was alive! I told you Flamingo Dancer’s do everything with style!
  5. I briefly took piano and guitar lessons as well as modern dance classes over the years. Now I can neither play a musical instrument or dance. Somehow, I survive.
  6. I never finished high school and went to university for the first time when I was 36 and the mother of three children. Now I have three degrees from three different universities and was once accepted to do a PhD, but never proceeded.
  7. I love eating fruit, but am really not fussed on vegetables beside the basics such as potato, pumpkin, peas and beans. My food pyramid would have 5 servings of fruit and two of vegetables each day.
  8. My very first job was as a dental assistant. It was a short career. After that I became a library assistant in a university library and that is where I met Mr FD.  He was a student.
  9. One of my favourite memories is a wet Christmas Day afternoon when my sister, brother and I played monopoly all afternoon. My brother is 6 years older than me, and he went to boarding school when I was 7 and he was 13, so I never got to spend a lot of time with him, and so the fun we had that afternoon is a very precious memory. For once we weren’t fighting!
  10. I chose the name Flamingo Dancer after watching a documentary that explained the mating habits of the flamingo. Have you ever seen their mating dance? They are together as a flock, dancing in one direction, then turning and dancing in another direction. They are all together and yet each in their own moment. That is a metaphor for life, in my opinion, and that is why I am Flamingo Dancer; in my moment, in amidst the collective moment.

NATURE “Andes: The Dragon’s Back” | DANCE | PBS