Category Archives: stick list

not quite a meeting of the minds

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eeyores gloomy place

One of our neighbours who we were yet to meet, knocked on our door, collecting for charity this afternoon. We had heard quite a bit about them, as they are academics at the local university campus in an area related to Mr FD’s profession, and were really looking forward to meeting them.

As I opened the door, she didn’t introduce herself, but commenced with “Other Neighbour said you used to work at the university.” I was tussling with an excited Augie Dog who wanted to lick his way through the screen door to greet her and so was a little taken aback. At that particular campus it was over 35 years ago for me, and about 13 years ago for Mr FD so I was surprised that was her introduction, and tried to place her somewhere in our universe.

I murmured something about needing to control the dog and dashed into the garage, hissing at MF FD to get his body out of the car where he was playing with his new sat nav and reversing camera and greet the neighbour at the front door.

Mr FD of course was only half listening and said “This has what to do with me?” and I replied something about the length of his life and so he made his way out of the garage and around to the front door.

Basic introductions over, she mentioned something about her neighbour and I informed her that her neighbour was in fact my first cousin.

Now, if I heard someone was another person’s first cousin I would not then go into overdrive to show that she knew more about the cousin than the new acquaintance did, and I would also not mention that cousin’s intimate family business, nor her mental health struggles. I had the distinct impression that  no matter what I said she would sprout more “information”, so I just let that pathway of conversation lapse, not feeling it appropriate to discuss such things with a person I had just met.

Then she proceeded to have an opposite opinion on everything Mr FD said to the point that I was wishing Augie was an attack dog and I could set him on her.

After what seemed an age, she invited us to their next “organic growers” meeting and I immediately knew that though we are believers I would not be tripping across the road anytime soon.

Later, Mr FD asked me what I had thought and I was only too ready to vent. Lucky for him, he felt the same! It was all such a disappointment though, for we had really wanted to meet her as we thought we were kindred spirits in many ways, but in reality it seems perhaps not so.

it was such a depressing end to the weekend.

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when they are good, they are sufferable, but when they are bad, they are vermin

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arrow

Excuse me, but I have the rather urgent need to vent.

People who do a five minute walk through tour and then make snap decisions, should be snapped in half themselves and their pieces scattered on a motorway.

May all those self-indulgent parents who told their child that they were wonderful for merely drawing breath; and may all those parents who don’t give a shit about their feral children and never taught them any values or manners, may you all rot in hell before coming back as a teacher in your next life, if there is one and get to teach your kid; otherwise just burn in hell. Twice.

“Don’t leave your bag in the doorway”

“Why?”

“Because someone will trip over it.”

“It’s not my fault if they are stupid enough to fall over it.”

 

Treat others as you would like to be treated, or I will surely break your arms and legs off.

Argue about the literal meaning of a proverb over the metaphor one more time and I will ram your arms and legs where the sun don’t shine and post you home to mother.

Why should class be fun? Why can’t you just pay attention for 40 minutes and learn something for once in your damn life.

Can I put up an Easter reading suggestion display with the slogan “Don’t be a wasted space, read a book for once”?

May the subject coordinators who create dodgy lesson plans for teachers to present, be locked into an eternal Groundhog Day of teaching that lesson. May you be eaten alive at the end of each day. No exit clause.

Would someone for f-ing sake build covered walkways between our classrooms so that we don’t end up with 152 sopping wet students in the library at lunch time.

Sometimes, sonny boy, you just don’t get to negotiate or argue every point, sometimes you just need to shut up and do.

Don’t give me the finger because you don’t know how to merge on the highway. I see your finger and raise it one as well.

Stop trying to rearrange the front of my car and attach my car to yours by changing  into my lane without allowing enough space between our cars.

“Put your phone away”

“It’s my mum”

“Tell Mum that Mrs FD is trying to teach you right now.”

“But she wants to know ,,, whether to wash my blue blouse or my pink; where I left the remote; whether she can borrow some money…”

“Tell Mum to send a text that you can answer after class.”

Total disbelief as an expression from student who continues conversation with parent.

 

Enough with the rain already, we need to dry out.

I am a goddess why are my feet in the bloody trenches?

assassins

Even Norman Rockwell has moved on with the times.

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1950s, Fashion, Photography, Suzy Parker, Vintage, Vogue

Whooo, I feel better now.

I was cranky earlier today, especially around lunch time when other people’s clutter in the library was making it impossible to function and Minerva kept complaining about it, but it has its own timeline and we just have to wait for it all to play out and then disappear. Then there was the teacher who crossed me by leaving a stack of folders in one of the public rooms when we told her she couldn’t  and that really ANNOYED me, and she is person uno at the moment on the stick list (GOM, you are so far down the  stick list now that you are practically off the list).

Then I walked in the door at home and picked on Mr FD for the first  10 minutes I was home, and I felt much better after that.

I put it all down to lack of chocolate (and I told Mr FD that he had better produce some tomorrow if he doesn’t want to be traded away; and it has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day which is just a silly commercial enterprise to make a lot of women unhappy, but because Mr FD has the time to go to the stores) and the fact that my grandchild to be has yet to make an appearance, not that she is due until Saturday, but I am always early for all my appointments and so should she (obviously she takes after her mother, Daughter1 who is always late, though she was early for her own birth!)

It was Ash Wednesday today and class teachers had to put the ashes on the foreheads of all the students. As a form teacher, despite being somewhat a lapsed Catholic I did the job and ashed all my class and a few other students who couldn’t get through the seated crowd to get to their class teacher. I was quite into the swing of it by the end, and it soon became obvious that I am called to a higher post, and so, yes, as you no doubt expected, I am going to offer myself as the next Pope.

Pope Flamingo Dancer, has quite the ring to it don’t you think ( the papal ring, hahahaha) ? I am a Goddess, so yes, Pope is a bit of a step down, but one must do ones bit for the common people. I will allow women to be priests, I will allow all male priests to marry, and I will allow all women, especially those in poor countries to use contraception. I shall encourage contraception. And then on the second day…

Don’t you just love the way The Pope formerly known as Benedict turfed a group of cloistered nuns out of their convent to take over their pad? Last papal decree indeed.

And just because I am feeling eclectic tonight… Yesterday I passed some old men sitting on benches outside the Village post office. When I was a small child there used to be an outdoor set of draughts for locals to play, but they have long sense disappeared, no doubt stolen along with our respect, gratitude and enjoyment for such things; but that is a rant for another day.

So I was driving to work and the old men were sitting gossiping on the bench under the trees. I was filled with warm and fuzzy memories and felt like I was living a Norman Rockwell moment.

This morning I drove by and only one old man was sitting on the bench. He was chatting on his mobile phone. Even Norman Rockwell has moved with the times.

breathe in, breathe out; I’ll give a bit of breathe in, breathe out all right with a serving of stick on the side

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Stick list 2

I’m sorry I try to be nice, I really do, but today I just wanted to beat people to death with my stick. I am tired of hearing people tell students how great they are when they are little buggers and will never learn to lift their behaviour because we are always telling them how great the are.

I also wanted to beat people for their inconsiderate and selfish behaviour towards other people. I wanted to beat them for being lazy and for how when you give them an inch they take the entire continent.

I wanted to beat my students because they are lazy and expect an instant free ride and for someone else to do the work for them. I wanted to beat them because they are always negative and I told them that it is easy to be negative and that being negative is cheap entertainment and if we all did that no one would ever get out of bed and then where we would all be?

I wanted to  beat management with my stick because they won’t give up on an unworkable idea that is both insulting and just plain stupid and will cause me both inconvenience and an increased workload until they realise that no one is going to take up the stupid idea they are wasting time on when there are more important things to fix like the behaviour of kids who think they are perfect when they are really little lazy spawn.

stick long end

And I wanted to hit the Big Whatever because it is only Monday and it was a shit Monday and I have to go back and do Tuesday and why can’t some old dusty relative somewhere cark it and leave me like a gizzillion dollars so I could just sit in my House on the Hill and buy my groceries online and never go out into the nasty world unless I chose, and then only very occasionally.

I swear, just stay out of my way, or you will be seeing some stick action.

Stick list 1

It doesn’t rain, it pours.

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umbrella 1

Queensland is in flood again, and while we are high and safe we are about to be cut off, if we aren’t already. Mr FD and I made a fast and very efficient trip to the local supermarket to stock up on milk, bread, eggs and extra dog food so we should be able to weather the next couple of days if nothing unexpected happens. Hopefully the power will stay connected as we haven’t purchased a generator as yet, but we did okay with the bbq in 2011 and a small battery generator to charge phones so fingers crossed. The reports are that once the rain clears in a day or so, it should all clear fairly quickly.

We are learning the joys of entertaining a large energetic puppy in wet weather. Augie Dog has been fairly well disciplined still asking to go outside to toilet, though he has been given the option of a puppy pad on the patio. We just have to whisk him inside quickly once his business is done, as he has discovered the joys of the muddy bare areas in the lawn. Luckily we have made a game out of rubbing him down with a towel and so he cooperates most of the time.

Reports of tornadoes in some area on the mid north coast of Queensland, and the warning is out for most of south east Queensland for more of the same. The wind has been building over the weekend and has been blowing a gale for awhile.

AS I WRITE THIS I HAVE JUST CAUGHT SIGHT OF AUGIE THROUGH THE WINDOW. HE IS COVERED IN MUD FROM HEAD TO TOE AND IS SITTING LOOKING AT ME QUITE JOYOUSLY . IT WAS MR FD’S WATCH.

IF WE RUN OUT OF FOOD, WE ARE FEEDING MR FD TO AUGIE.

 

I shall return later, I have a man to beat with a stick.

 

 

How a heated wheat bag became my new best friend

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Oh my, I don’t think there is not a muscle in my gorgeous body that is not screaming in pain today. So much packing, so little physical fitness.

Yesterday, I reached the level of taking paintings and mirrors from the wall and wrapping them in bubble wrap. Today, will be the last of my sorting in the garage, and I will start on the pantry and our walk in robe.

That should mean that next Saturday I can concentrate on preparing garden pot plants (potted plants for those Americans of a certain persuasion, not POT plants)  for transport. I dug out the bird’s nest fern, that my Dad gave me when Mr FD and I moved into our first house, 35 years ago, and sent it over to Daughter1 for the next week or two, for safe keeping. It is my living link to my Dad, and it has survived six house moves so far, this being the 7th! Dad would have loved our new garden, and I am sure the fern will flourish there, as will we.

Considering that all goodwill towards the new buyers has all but boiled away, we will be taking everything and anything from the garden that we want. I doubt if it will be there in a week or two anyway. It all comes back to the tried and true maxim : treat others the way you would like to be treated yourself. We are now treating them the way they have treated us (and their own lawyer it seems, who asked our lawyer if he wanted a new client, as he never wants to deal with the buyer ever again! It is some comfort to know it wasn’t just us!)

Question of the day : what do we say to our neighbours? Do we warn them, and apologise; or say nothing and hope for the best?

[A Wheat Bag is a cotton corduroy bag filled with non-chemically treated Australian whole grain wheat that can be used either hot (heated in a microwave) or cold (stored in the freezer)]

one footballer, two footballers,

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A once famous Australian footballer spent the afternoon in our library. I was in my glass office when he walked out, and I was nice enough to give him a brief small as he walked by.

He did not respond. No reaction. Zilch.

Stick list.

Little does he realise that none of the students would have really known who he was, having been born since he retired. Revenge in itself, but he still goes on the stick list. No one ignores The Flamingo Dancer.

Anyway, I’ve shared dinner with better footballers than he.

going the hard yards

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A little bit  incredibly angry and annoyed tonight, so perhaps if you are soft of nature it might be best to go away and come back tomorrow.

We have tall golden cane palms all along one side fence of our house, well over a metre from the house . They are as tall as our two storey house and we can lie in our bed and watch lorikeets and other birds play in the branches. The branches also shade out the light in the lane way that runs beside the house; in turn also providing privacy from anyone walking by. It is also the prettiest garden.

The Indian couple seeking to buy our house have requested a week’s extension before the contract goes unconditional. It was suppose to be unconditional today.

The reason? They are worried that in the future termites might be attracted to the palm trees and move onto the house for dessert. We have built in hard wood, we have special termite barriers, have undertaken inspections every year and have an extended warranty for another five years, so that if any termite damage is found, the termite pest control company will make repairs, even if it means rebuilding the house. Inspection this week proved the entire property is termite free.

They are worried that in the future termites might attack. They are Indians who have come to Australian from England and so have no experience of termites, and I understand that they are in a foreign environment, but there can be no better guarantee against termites than what we can provide.

It is very unusual for termites to attack living palm trees also. There have been some instances in far north Queensland, but not in this area. There is more danger of termites if they cut down the beautiful palms and leave dead stumps or roots.

So, I am feeling frustrated, thwarted and very,very angry. I would like to call for my stick. It will also break my heart if they demand the felling of such beautiful trees.

We shall not go easily into the night.

[On the other hand, the house we are buying has native bee hives in the garden (native bees do not sting, but do help pollinate local flowers )... oh and native white ant nests in some of the trees - not usually the house eating kind.We still intend buying the house.]

blame it on the big whatever

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Dear Minerva the library assistant has been away ill, a relapse with the nasty flu. Now that there have been reported deaths from the recent outbreak everyone is being much more cautious. I am sorry that Minerva is ill, but it does leave me with two workloads.

It is alright if I am away, because that is me. Also my work sits until I return. Minerva on the other hand, her workload falls to me, so that doesn’t make me happy. Of course one does prioritise, and leave what is not important, but front desk duties wait for no Minerva, hence how I am allowed to complain. It is always about me.

I know, life is not fair, but we are talking about me, as we always do, and so it should be not only be fair, but heavily slated in my favour. The Big Whatever (TBW) appears to have written my plot line with too many complications and not enough happy resolutions.

The first thing TBW needs to do is make sure Minerva recovers, now. I am sure that I could get her to agree with me on that, so that is not entirely selfish…

Then TBW needs to smite two teaching colleagues and about 47 students.  Then I might just make it through the day without initiating mass stick action, though I am not making any promises.