Now bring us some figgy pudding

Posted on December 29, 2012 by Flamingo Dancer

We are tumbling to the end of the year aren’t we? Today, we got to spend time with my niece and her family. It was a truly delightful day. Her three children are so warm, open, and so huggable.

Sister brought Mother Flamingo Dancer and we had the same struggles, but it was nice to see three generations of the family together for a few hours. We had a sausage sizzle lunch with bratwurst sausages, potato salad and a couscous salad with beans,sweet potato and pumpkin (yum, even if I do say so myself!) and more delicious desserts until we all collapsed on the couches and stroked our full bellies. Gluttonous to the end!

Just as well the festive season is coming to an end, otherwise I know I will need to let my belt out a little, okay, a lot. What is it about Christmas that makes us consume so much? No matter how full our tummies it seems that if someone walks by offering any edible item we reach out for another treat, until we are beyond the point of comfort.

Tomorrow I will think about some exercise. Think about it, not do it. Some things in life shouldn’t be rushed…

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life, love and everything

Posted on December 28, 2012 by Flamingo Dancer

It’s all a little bit over, isn’t it? Christmas, I mean. It hurled through the week like a train rattling down the line, and shot through faster than an express. I guess it always does.

Not that I am complaining, as we all know my capacity for niceness is severely limited and I can only be trusted in a social setting for a certain amount of time before I need to go and lie down somewhere quietly by myself.

We did have a lovely Christmas day. Mother Flamingo Dancer managed to stay with us until mid afternoon, when it was obvious that she was tired and needed to return to her care facility. She was fairly coherent in the morning, but once lunch arrived she started to hallucinate a little. I was sitting with her after lunch when she reached her hand out to me and asked me to help her “shut it”. Obviously she imagined that she was holding something, and kept asking me to help her close it, so I stroked her finger a couple times and told her it was now closed and she seemed happy with that. Later she held out her empty hand and asked me to give something to my sister, so I just pretended to take whatever it was from her hand, and reached over and handed it to my sister, who didn’t bat an eyelid as she continued her conversation. It all felt a little like when you play tea parties with little ones and drink imaginary tea and cakes.

There are funny moments though. Mum has developed two distinct behaviours. She either wants to give away things, or to take things. She developed a great liking to a little pair of Santa salt and pepper shakers that Daughter2 had found for me in Holland. On several occasions as we ate lunch she turned to my sister and instructed her to make sure she took them before she left. “I’ll take those when we go.”

Later she was picking at her blouse, trying to get the buttons off. She wanted to give them away. I said “But Mum, everyone will see your underwear!”

“That’s all right” said my once very prim mother.

“What if you’re not wearing your best underwear?” I joked in reply.

“No matter,” she returned, quite unconcerned.

Most times Mum appears to know me, but some times she asks for “the other one” and that means me. I guess my sister is the main support and I am the back up, the other one.

We are going to try one more Grandma Flamingo Dancer outing to our house on Saturday, when my niece, and her young family will join us for a late Christmas celebration. Mum adores the little people, so I hope she can find some enjoyment in the day. After this I think her visits will be limited as we have a great deal of difficulty getting Mum out of the car, and also to use the bathroom; so we will make the most of her time while we can.

Having two parents suffer from dementia, in two entirely different ways, does make me wonder what the future will hold for my siblings and I. It also makes me realise just how important living in the moment, and appreciating what I have, is.

All Mum has now is the moment, and all we can do for her is make sure she feels our love and to preserve her dignity. Never does she ask about any of the contents of her house, and she no longer asks about her house. The care facility is now her house to her. The “stuff” that she hoarded and thought so important, the “good things” she kept unused for some special occasion are all now meaningless. It is a life lesson, well and truly. “Stuff” means nothing in life; love and family are everything. Everything.

a slow realisation that my role description doesn’t include providing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

Posted on December 25, 2012 by Flamingo Dancer

I love Christmas, I really do, but I find the constant demands for me to be nice and considerate so damn exhausting. 2012 has been an exhausting year anyway, what with starting at yet another new school as a teacher librarian (thankfully this is now a permanent gig and I no longer have to be new teacher in the staffroom) my Mum needing to go into care, Daughter2 moving to the other side of the country, and let us not forget (and who could anyway) selling out city house (and the Buyers from Hell) and moving to The Village and a starting a country life.

I really wanted this Christmas, our first in the Flamingo Dancer Nest on the Hill, to be a happy and memorable time, but it started to stress me out. The thing that tipped me over the edge was my gift wrapping struggles with a pair of scissors that were blunter than a round rock and a roll of sticky tape that made me realise that should the day ever arrive where I needed to tape plastic over all windows and doors to keep the poison gas out, I would have no hope of finding the end of the tape roll and so may as well just throw open the windows and doors and breath deep. I have never held up any hope of sharp paper folds on my gift packages anyway, but as I gnawed my way through the sticky tape it dawned on me that I didn’t have to create the perfect Christmas for everyone. I probably couldn’t no matter how I wore myself out.

No, it is not my role to gift everyone in my life, and especially those gathered around my table. the perfect Christmas; that was the job of each and every person present. We make our own Christmas good or not so good, okay, good or bad. We each have a role to play, and it is not up to any one individual, to “make” Christmas for another. As a mother it has taken a very long time for me to reach that realisation, but better late than never, I have.

And you know what? I think this was one of the best Christmases I have ever experienced! I relaxed, threw away the quest for perfection and went with the flow. It was wonderful, and I think, that from the comments made by others, that they felt that way too. No more guilt, no more anxiety, and a whole lot more fun.

Be kind to yourself by giving yourself permission to fail, and you will succeed beyond your wildest dreams. It also makes being nice a little less burdensome!

Merry Christmas, one and all

Posted on December 25, 2012 by Flamingo Dancer

from The Flamingo Dancer, one and all, Merry Christmas.

Christmas flora of the Australian kind

Posted on December 22, 2012 by Flamingo Dancer

The northern hemisphere can have their mistletoe and holly. I would rather have our Callistemon or as it is more commonly called “bottlebrush”, for obvious reasons (that is the flowers look like a bottle brush). These beauties are flowering in our garden right now, and will be gracing our Christmas table.

well if this is the end…

Posted on December 21, 2012 by Flamingo Dancer

If December 21 is the end of the world, I have a hell of a lot of food that is going to spoil.

I pushed a heavily laden shopping trolley from the supermarket, in the hope of not having to go back to the supermarket for some days to come.I joked with the checkout assistant that I was sure to remember something when I got home smug that I had secured everything for man and dog, so naturally, when I arrived home, and despite a shopping list, I realised that I had forgotten one major ingredient and will have to go back. Be careful what you joke about! And check your list twice (someone had to say it)!

I even managed to buy a couple baby items for our expected grandchild. The baby shower for Daughter1 is just days after I return from Perth and spending time with Daughter2 so I have been organising my gift early. Okay, it is an excuse to buy baby things. I love buying baby things. Babies are my favourite people, they are such an easy audience to work, and they adore me. They know quality.

Living in a rural area as we do now, I can’t help but feel the sense of community that permeates small towns. In the car park of the supermarket people were taking time to stop and talk with each other, rather than just rush from car to store. It is the type of area where the old men gossip outside while their wives do their shopping.

It brought back memories of my Dad who would happily sit in the car, reading the paper, while Mum did her shopping. He would avoid walking into a store at all costs, but was always happy to take Mum where she wanted (she of the era who did not learn to drive when there was only one family car).

I always miss my Dad at Christmas. He loved family so. I know his spirit will be with us, as it always will be. Isn’t that what Christmas is all about, family past and present, absent and near? Whatever form your family takes, be it relatives or friends, I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas.

It’s not too late either…

Naughty Thursday

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Sunday style

Posted on December 16, 2012 by Flamingo Dancer

Sunday morning was spent with Mother Flamingo Dancer . I arrived just before morning tea, which we took together in her room.

Mother FD drifts in and out of reality. A discussion about her slippers will probably end with her telling you she walked to the next town that morning, and brought the diary herd in off the hill all before I arrived that day. It is a little like a conversation with the Mad Hatter, but somehow we make do.

At Christmas we always play a game where I ask her what she would like for Christmas and she names outlandish gifts such as a world trip, or a million dollars. Today however, she paused and said “Nothing. I have all I need. If you have a veranda to sit on, and a nice room…” she said

“And people who love you,” I added.

“Oh lots of people who love me,” Mother FD finished. “What more do I need?”

What more, indeed.

In the afternoon, Son and I decorated the Christmas Tree. We use an artificial tree, as I can’t bare the thought of killing a tree for a few days of fun, plus little would survive in the summer heat anyway. This year, we aren’t tempting Augie Dog, and so we have put the tree on a large coffee table, as we did when the children we babies.

Usually I decorate with one or both daughters present, but this year they are busy living their independent lives, and so it was Son who was pulled into tinsel and tree topping service (mainly because he knew where the decorations were hiding). He sat and critiqued my arrangements as we debated just when is too much tinsel too much? Never of course!

The last task of the day was planting out the lavender plants into the large pots at the front door. Mr FD scooped dirt and added his magical biological mixes and I did the placement of the plants in the pot with flair and style. No doubt they will be shooting away by mornings, just like Jack’s bean stalk!

As the sun sank in the west, I hung the Christmas wreath on the front door, and Mr FD declared that we looked like a real house at last. Well almost, but it is home.

Village life

Posted on December 14, 2012 by Flamingo Dancer

Daughter1, now just eight weeks away from her due date, drove out from The City to spend the day with us. The Friday markets that I drive through every week on my way to work were on in The Village and so we decided to go down and have a look.

We were able to control our spending until we came to a garden stall where the plants were lovely and the prices a fraction of city prices.

I bought the lavender to plant in the large pots to sit outside our front door, and also some agapanthas in tubes to fill in a couple empty spots on the terrace. Agapanthas are considered a bit of a pest plant by some, but they are also said to be a good fire break around a property. I have no idea, and truthfully with our tall trees I don’t think any agapanthas would be much of a barrier – and let’s pray we never have to test the theory. I love their purple pompom flowers and that is the reason I bought them.

Daughter1 purchased three large gardenia plants for less than the price of one in The City which made her day as well.

We had a quick lunch in a rock ‘n roll themed café where it was all Elvis and the 1950s. The menu was written on replica vinyl records. We ordered American hotdogs, and D1 a milkshake, while I opted for my tea. It was quite pleasant, but somehow seemed out of place in our little Village.

Daughter1 had to get back to The City as this weekend she and Mr Boy are participating in an intensive antenatal class that started Friday evening and continues all day Saturday. She is feeling the pressure of time running away and an endless list of things to do before the baby arrives, but as a friend advised her “what you don’t get done before the baby arrives, you will just do after the baby arrives”. Wise words. Enjoying the journey is part of the experience, especially with a first baby.

After D1 left, Mr FD and I went shopping for Christmas dinner items. We ordered prawns for Christmas lunch, and Mr FD went freezer diving and surfaced with a large leg of ham. We almost needed to elbow another couple out of the way to get to it as they were taking forever to make up their mind about their ham, but I pushed Mr FD into the freezer, promised I would hang onto his ankles and gave the other couple a withering stare to move over yonder and they kindly moved onto the roast beef section. Ham in the trolley, we threw in a large pumpkin and headed off like triumphant hunter gathers back to our cave.