eye to eye with the Flamingo Files

This is the Old Windmill is a heritage-listed tower located in Wickham Park, on Wickham Terrace in Spring Hill, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia.  It is across the road from where my eye was crafted!

This is the Old Windmill It is a heritage-listed tower located in Wickham Park, on Wickham Terrace in Spring Hill, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. It is across the road from where my eye was crafted!

We brought the new eye home, and a very nice new eye it is too. It was a little too big at first and gave me a startled look even when I was trying to pretend my eyes were closed in a sleeping position, so a little grinding, polishing and buffing was called for. Well, it was called for three times, before the mirror in my hand told me I was the most glamorous in the land. So with old eye in my handbag, and new eye in its rightful place, and $2150 poorer ($500 to be repaid by medical insurance) I met Mr FD in the downstairs coffee shop where he had been waiting. I fluttered my eyelashes and rolled my beautiful green eyes at him, but he just thought I was having a brain conniption , so I gave up trying to impress and ordered coffee and apple pie instead.

I have the solution for America’s gun problem! Sticks. Give every man, woman and child a four foot long stick in place of guns and I am sure that very shortly the death and injury rate will fall. I mean, if you are going to the movie theatre and have to carry a 4ft stick with you, you are going to think twice aren’t you? Also, a 4ft stick can’t be concealed, so everyone is going to know that you are packing one.  As protection, no one will need a bullet proof vet, just a good quality helmut. These could come in a range of decorator colours, basic black for those sophisticated moments.  Sure an arm or leg might get cracked but no one is going to die, and everyone has an equal chance. Plus you can run away or make sure you stand a good six feet away and no harm can be done.  Geeze, I really should run the world.  Now, world peace…

Grade 8 students are so gullible. I was teaching them how to access their school email (many of them don’t even know what an email is! Does that make you feel old?) and I told them that once they had read an email and decided that they no longer needed it to delete it so that they didn’t end up with 4967 emails by the end of the year. I added that of course they should delete everything, except my emails as they were the best and most important. Instantly a look of terror flew across the face of one young student who confessed, “I just deleted one of your emails!” Oh the fun playing with young minds. I told her I forgave her… and then told her I was joking. Damn teacher honesty.

It is amazing how where you live shapes your life. Last week, I was driving through the Village when I felt something drop under my feet. It seemed to fall from under the dashboard. In the city I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, but now that we live in the country, all those media stories of snakes crawling into cars and dropping onto drivers instantly came to mind, and so I hastily pulled over. Turns out it was my sunglasses case! It did make me aware of how much our life has changed in the last eighteen months.

The real thing, a snake, did eventuate though. Mr FD found a green tree snake had made its way through a hole in the screen door in the laundry and was slithering its way down the hall way today. It was a monumental battle as Augie Dog wanted a piece of the action, or rather snake as well. So Mr FD had to hold Augie with one hand and dispatch the snake with the other. Snakes are protected in Australia, but if they come into my house they are an endangered reptile in my opinion. Just to prove his bravery, Mr FD left the blood smear on the floor near the main bathroom. When I arrived home I handed him the antiseptic wipes to finish the job ( sometimes the fragile female act really is the only course of action!) New screen door being ordered tomorrow.

The Old Windmill, Brisbane http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Old_Windmill,_Brisbane

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5 thoughts on “eye to eye with the Flamingo Files

  1. I have a two-and-a-half foot stick, well actually two of them. They’re hanbo or short fighting sticks used in martial arts.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanb%C5%8D

    Really skilled users supposedly can disarm a person with a samurai sword, though so far I’ve been mostly good at hitting myself in the head. It takes a certain amount of intelligence to use them, which is why they’ll never take the place of a gun, which any thick-headed yokel can use. Unfortunately.

    Sticks can be used on snakes. Though I’d prefer one that’s a lot longer than the ones I have!

  2. Snakes and all other native animals are protected species whilst they remain outside your house and mine FD. Inside, its WAR! I always thought if everyone carried a pocket-sized nuclear device it would result in world peace, but your stick theory would be much cheaper and sticks would be less likely to accidentally explode in your pocket.

  3. If a snake found its way into my apmt. I would try and wrangle it, or in some way escort it out. I would speak to it nicely, and let it know that there were some lovely crickets in the front yard and they would make a very lush meal.

    Insects? Different story. When they cross the thresh hold, it is a deadly battle which involves weaponry, stealth, intuition, subtlety, strength, patience. I hate and detest them all. Butterflies get a free pass, however.

    As long as it is a pointy stick, I would be good to go. And I’ve always said that the key to world peace is kittens.

  4. Why are snakes protected in Australia? I suppose I could google that. I suppose it is a predator/prey thing. Australia seems to be very progressive about such things. I like your idea of a 4ft stick as a means of self defense. Unfortunately, Americans will find some way to make them deadly. Good luck with your new eye. Lucy

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