My Mum phoned me. Well, one of the carers dialled our number and handed Mum the phone. I happened to be home, as I was ill, so I was able to talk with her. Last week she phoned when Mr FD was the only one home and he tried to make small talk with her but he thinks she was confused about who he was, as she asked if she had been at his wedding!
I rambled on about daily life, and a couple times we repeated the sequence as she forgot what she had just said, but it was a pleasant chat. Then she said that she had nothing to do and no one will allow her out and if she can’t get out soon… well, she was going to jump over the fence.
Her words instantly brought back the memories of Dad when he was being swallowed by his dementia. If we took him somewhere he didn’t want to be he would declare that “if I had a bike, I would jump on it and ride it away”.
I do understand their desire to be free, to live the life they once had, but they aren’t safe to do so. Mum can’t find her way from her room to the dining room, which is no more than 30 steps away. They have signs for the return journey that say “Marjorie’s room” and arrows and she still can’t find her way back.
Mum has always been a woman who would rather spend her time in her garden than in her house. No doubt she misses her garden and her pottering. She was very good at pottering, especially in the last few years when her garden really was too much for her, but we all pretended she was doing okay. They do take her for walks in the garden as I have seen the little bunches of cuttings that she collects on her walks. Mum was always one to ask for a cutting off a plant that caught her eye. Now they wither on the tray in her room. Now it is winter and too cold for her to go out.
In the spring, we shall take her for a drive in the country and let her see the countryside come back to life. We will buy her flowers and sit in the sun, and enjoy the moments.
I know how it feels, at least a bit. My mom will be home from rehab2 shortly. I miss our well days together.
They become so precious. Life really does pass in the blink of an eye.
You are so right.
I can so relate to this post. I can no longer speak to my Mum on the telephone as we go round in ever decreasing circles.
It is so sad isn’t it. At times I dread talking with her, but I try to be jolly and talk about simple things.
I hesitate to ‘like’ this post FD because it brings back so many memories of my Mum’s final years when she was unable to do the things she loved. All very thought provoking as we also head towards the Autumn of our lives.
I intend taking control of my life and placing myself in the right place to grow old and not to let my children become my parent.
She has you, and her cuttings, at least.
Actually, she is very lucky as she has a large extended family. The staff said that no one gets as many visitors as Mum. I hope it can be maintained.
BTW, I adore Mucha, and have had the honor of seeing the above panels in person.
Oh low blow! My envy may place you on my stick list!
My friend’s father couldn’t recognize his wife, always seeking the young bride he had married.
I think the worst part must be the moments of sanity when they are aware of how much is slipping away.
Could you perhaps have some sort of super-easy-to-care-for plant in your mother’s room – just to give her a wee sense of gardens again? Or maybe a lot of garden-type prints or something?
MY Dad knew and he would tap his head and say that there was something wrong with his head. Mum thinks she has never been sick a day in her life and gets grumpy if we say otherwise. We have put plants on her patio but she rarely goes out there and we end up caring for them.
My grandma had dementia and it truly is brutal. When grandad died, she kept forgetting and she’d ring up and ask mum or my auntie Sue where he was. Time and again they’d have to explain that he’d died and she’d get upset because each time was like the first time. She forgot who each of us was and that we’d visited yesterday, telling us off for never coming to see her. Eventually we had to put her into a home because she just wasn’t safe at home, she’d fall a lot. It’s a sad sad way to be and really hard for the family, having watched mum and her friends deal with it, I dread the time when it will be my turn to do it for my mum.
Mum can’t remember our visits after we have been, but she does seem to enjoy those visits at the time. Today her 3 year old great grand daughter visited her and they spent quite some time looking at story books and looking for items hidden in the story. Grandma was not a big help, but enjoyed herself and littlie got to feel superior so that was a win all around! God, I pray I don’t develop dementia, it is so cruel.