I must change.
I must remove all the excess.
I must get rid of all the clutter.
I must eat healthier food.
I must exercise.
I must read more, for pleasure and professionally.
I must watch less TV.
I must be more active in my own life.
Where do I start on this list? The easy stuff – read more and less television – has progressed. I joined the bookclub at school and so I am being prompted to read things I would not choose for myself. Tick and tick.
Food? Well, the diverticulitis has sealed that one. I am so worn out with suffering with it that I am no longer tempted to roll the dice on anything that might even remotely cause an issue. However, thanks to Easter the chocolate scale has blown sky high. That will take its natural course as the supply runs out and I avoid all the chocolate now on sale! Half a tick.
Life has reminded me of a couple of things lately. The sudden death of a colleague, that the moment is more important than the grand plan, but do have a grand plan. Also, not to hesitate to do the good deed, to be open to change and not to forget to tell people that you love them. Or can tolerate them, at least!
My Mum’s sudden illness has also been a wake up call not to take her for granted and to think she will always be there for another visit, on another day. It is also a reminder that we; Mr FD, our siblings and I, are bordering on become the elders of the clan. Scary stuff indeed and something I assume no one is every ready to accept. I am not sure that I am ready to be that grown up, but hey, I am going to be a great old lady.
Haven’t had much opportunity to work on the excess during school terms, but I have certainly not brought anything into the house that was not needed. I can’t remember the last time I purchased anything on a whim; except for a book or two, but even my book purchasing is down 90 per cent on what it was. Magazine subscriptions have not been renewed. Maybe a three quarter tick?
I feel that I have changed quite a bit this year, already. Who would have thought that perfection can be improved, but if anyone can do, I am your woman!
I have really pushed my boundaries professionally. I am now working towards becoming an IT coach to other teachers, assisting them with including more ICT in their lesson and unit plans. It terrifies me to think that others will be depending on my meagre IT skills to expand their own, but I am committed to upskilling and so the journey has begun. I find it incredibly empowering, and rewarding as well. Big tick!
My colleague taught me to realise that the only thing I control is myself, and that was a real ah ha moment (late Oprahism warning, sorry!). I use that knowledge numerous times each day and now I realise how much anxiety and stress I was creating for myself by trying to control that which I never had a hope of controlling.
I slip up frequently though when it comes to Mr FD, who still, after all these years, refuses to be controlled. Why he doesn’t learn I don’t know, but now I have developed a coping mechanism – when he refuse to heel, I look out the nearest window and go “lalalalala” in my head. I spend lots of time staring out of windows and lalalalaing to the extent that when we are in the car, I feel like one of those dogs who love to hang their heads out the window and feel the wind in their ears, but hey it works. And of course I always hold out hope that eventually Mr FD will learn to do as he is told. He obviously has never made a resolution to change… A tick for me, a “try to do better” for Mr FD.
Let’s not talk about exercise. Well, if we must, I have to admit that the only thing being exercised is my sense of guilt that I have not motivated myself to do anything more than to move from one end of the couch to the other. But I did move. I even fluffed the pillows with gusto. I worked up quite a sweat slapping that foam rubber about, so I am well on my way to increasing my exercise routine. Next week I might even contemplate moving to another room!
How is 2012 working for you? (Once again, pretend that I care).