A group of students, all seventeen year old girls, were discussing the subject of abortion. One student was quite adamant in her opinion that a woman should have an abortion instead of considering adoption, for “how would you like to grow up to know your mother didn’t want you?” No one could convince her that adoption to loving parents might overcome any feelings of rejection that a child might have later in life. Her argument was that it was better to abort “than to have an unhappy child that would suffer for the rest of its life”. So sure and confident in her opinion, it was really so black and white to her – unhappiness was enough to warrant abortion.
Another student said that if she fell pregnant now, at the age of seventeen, that she would choose adoption as she knew she could not handle parenting at her present stage of life, that at a later time, she would certainly keep her child. However, she did advocate abortion in incidences of rape or health reasons. She saw all the shades of grey within the debate.
Both saw a foetus, in its early days of life so differently. One as a mass of cells; the other as a baby.
I know it is an age old and continuing debate, and they did not resolve it today. What was interesting to me, was that the girl who argued for adoption came from a traditional family, with loving parents and a stable home life. The girl who was so in favour of abortion can from a troubled family.
As a teacher I couldn’t help but wonder about what might have been going unsaid by the pro-abortion advocate, but also what her opinion might be in the years to come…
As the mother of 2 adopted children and one biological child, I could reassure the young lady that not all children seek out their birth parents or feel unwanted by them. Neither of my 2 have ever felt that way. As an adoptive mom, who for 10 years felt she could not get pregnant, I doubt I could ever have had an abortion, but I do think it should be an option for women. I support the idea of women having control over their own bodies, not the state.
I told her about a friend of mine, who adores her adoptive parents and has actually refused the invitation of her birth mother to make contact. I think when she gets a little older and a little less certain of her own convictions as often happens as we mature, she will no doubt soften her opinion.
Very good point! I know a delightful women, her husband, and her three wonderful girls. One week, in church, she shared the story of a women who was raped by a past boyfriend. She became pregnant and the boys father did not want her to have it. She had the little girl and it ended up being the only grandchild that the boys father ever had.
Then, the woman that was speaking, said that she was that baby. WOW!
I would like to think that victims of rape would consider adopting their babies to loving families. I think I could have only considered abortion for health reasons. On that note, apparently mental illness is considered an issue that allows legal abortion here, as babies of the mentally ill are often the ones that die of neglect.
The girl of the adamant view is seeking stability in a troubled life by defining such a rigid view. The girl is who is more self-confident of life is able to be more flexible and feel less threatened by the topic. Perhaps the first girl will one day develop a more nuanced view and look back with a little embarassment at memories of her earlier self. It is when abortion becomes just another form of contraception that it becomes a little sad, and one wishes the social and other restraints of earlier times were a little more prevalent.
That is exactly what I thought at the time. The girl from the stable home obviously has good role models and therefore a different world view.
All sorts of ethical twists and turns on this one. At the end of the day, I think the decision has to be left to the pregnant woman. I particularly object to those who seek to impose their views on abortion on the pregnant woman, but accept no responsibility for the child after it is born, even to the extent of condoning the right of the state to execute that child that grows to be an adult. To me that is sheer hypocrisy.
I have always considered that it is the individual woman’s right to decide. I always wonder about “right to lifers” who are so upset about abortion, but will murder the doctors and nurses who assist. Why and when is one life worth more than another?
I don’t have any stats to back this up, but here goes: I’ve heard that very often, adopted children, no matter how lovingly and well brought up, ultimately feel angry and rejected when they learn the truth. Some spend a lifetime processing the hurt. I wonder if any adoptive parents still opt to keep their child in the dark forever?
To be fair to the girl who favored abortion, I am not surprised she has had a troubled life. She probably wishes she wasn’t alive. Many teens feel this way sometimes. Do you know much more about her? It’s not impossible that, at the age of seventeen, she may have already had an abortion, and hence, felt the need to defend it.
She made a comment that made her think her older sister, whom she obviously doesn’t like very much, may have had an abortion. To be honest, there are very few people that I know that have had abortions. The very few that there are, I always thought “well, you would have made a terrible parent anyway” and I doubt if they would have cared enough to even try good antenatal care.
I can definitely understand both points of view. Her judgement of aborting may sound harsh but I think her reasoning comes out of being vulnerable and sensitive herself. It would be unfair to the child if being adopted left him/her feeling unwanted and rejected. At the same time it would depend on the adoptive parents to ensure that the child feels safe and loved. Given a scenario when the parenting of an adopted child is irresponsible and damaging more than nurturing, the scars would probably run deeper than if a similar environment was provided by biological parents. Is life for the sake of its own self really worth it? It is truly a difficult choice and there are no easy or “right” answers I suppose.
I think that is one of the aspects of being a seventeen year old – thinking that you have all the answers and that life can be neatly parcelled up with a bow! As you say, there are no easy or right answers, life is never simple. In the meantime they were applying their thinking skills!
when I was a child of about 16 I was dead set against abortion. I thought it cruel and horrible. Then I had a friend who had a baby at 17 years old, I saw her struggles and she said she started to love her son inside her and could not let him go to adoption. I had a friend who got pregnant at 17 and she had an abortion because she felt like it was her only option. I listened to them and many other women making this difficult decision, Adopt-keep-abort. My opinion widened. Now I see it as such a personal choice, nobody can know what factors go into the decision. Now I am in favor of educating young folks in birth control. Knowledge is power, not a free pass to experiment as some have said. I am SO very grateful that I never had to make such a hard decision. I cant know what I would have done.
I am pleased that evolution is taught in our schools and so is biology and reproduction is covered. Most private schools also discuss sex education, and even catholic schools talk about condoms as a reality of life. Knowledge is power as they say, and the more kids have it the better their decisions.
Shades of gray. My grandmother nearly died of a botched abortion in the early 20th century. An uncle died as a result. I have close friends who have had abortions, and now are childless. I don’t judge them for their choice, nor do I believe abortion should be illegal (except partial birth abortion, which is barbaric).
I also don’t like the pro-life, pro-choice labels. If I were to label myself I would be a pro-life pro-choicer.
Each choice leave a ripple across time. My first husband got a girl pregnant three months before our marriage (which was childless because of my infertility). She adopted the baby out a few months after our marriage. Forty years later she showed up seeking her birth parents, with a child with her. Ex’s sister called me with the “happy” news and couldn’t understand why I sat silent on the other end of the phone.
Shades of gray exactly, and that is the depth that maturity brings us. Did you and you husband ever consider adopting the child? Of course that would have had huge complications in itself.
Having worked for several years at Planned Parenthood (and having volunteered for an abortion clinic), I consider myself in the the pro-compassion camp. I have witnessed some of the most heartbreaking scenes, as people try to decide on the best thing. I have seen children coerced (in both directions), women threatened, a doctor shot, couples destroyed by the loss of a very wanted but doomed pregnancy. My response to the most hateful protesters was always this: when the world is this cruel to people, can you wonder why some women don’t want to bring a child into it? If the alleged “pro-life” movement truly wanted to do away with abortion, they’d work to create a society in which having an unplanned pregnancy at 17 wouldn’t ruin your life.
Such wise and compassionate words. Never having faced the situation I can’t say what I would decide. In my heart I think I could only have done it if I had known that the child was going to be born with problems and face a life of pain. If my own life had been on the line, I really don’t know. One has to consider the children that you may have at the time too. So sad that people have to make the choice at any time, but they should have the right to make the choice in peace and with support.